You’re tired of "cleaning up the mess": If you feel like you are constantly managing the emotional fallout of others' behaviors, this "Peahen Parable" will give you the practical tools to stop the cycle.
Summary In this conversation, Kristen Wambach shares a humorous yet profound exploration of boundaries and relationships through the metaphor of her wild neighbor, Sweet Pea the Pea Hen. She discusses the importance of setting healthy boundaries while appreciating the beauty in our relationships. Drawing on insights from Brené Brown and personal experiences, Kristen emphasizes the need for spiritual bravery, the differentiation between behavior and identity, and the significance of holding onto one's vision amidst challenges. The episode concludes with a call to action for listeners to reflect on their own boundaries and the behaviors that may disrupt their peace.  The Beauty and the MessFor nearly four years, my husband Don and I have shared our property with a resident peahen we named "Sweet Pea." She is a vision of emerald elegance, complete with a crest that scientists say acts as a vibrational antenna, tuned to frequencies we can’t even perceive. She’s been a companion in our Summer Sunday church in the backyard and a guardian of our garden. But this winter, Sweet Pea’s behavior escalated. She began spending all her time huddled by our sliding glass door, finding comfort in her own reflection. The problem? Closeness creates a mess. She began pooping all over our back patio—our most intimate access point—leaving my King Charles Spaniel, Dash, to track the mess right into our home. It’s a goofy story, but Holy Spirit began drawing a picture on my heart: Do our poopy behaviors ever litter the intimate access of our family members, leaving them to clean up the mess? Do our poopy behaviors ever litter the intimate access of our family members, leaving them to clean up our mess?" —Kristen Wambach The Temptation to Shrink or Puff UpWhen faced with "wild," unmanageable behavior—whether it’s a stubborn bird or a struggling family member—we often default to two reactions: shrinking or puffing up. Brené Brown, a brilliant voice in relational wisdom, warns us against both. Shrinking makes us small to avoid conflict, while puffing up uses the armor of aggression to fight back. Instead, we are called to stand our sacred ground. This means maintaining your emotional integrity and staying rooted in who you are without needing to dominate or disappear. As 1 Peter 5:9 in the Mirror Bible reminds us, our "firm footing in the faith is our resistance." We don't resist with rage; we resist by refusing to be moved from our true identity in Christ. Love has to do the work of fine-tuning our behaviors first in us, then those we have the privilege to influence." —Kristen Wambach  We don't want to shrink, making ourselves small to avoid the conflict... and we don't want to puff up, using our armor of aggression." —Kristen Wambach Protecting your PEACE Brené Brown approaches the topic of dealing with angry or aggressive behavior (often categorized as bullying) not by fighting back with aggression, but by "braving the wilderness"—standing your ground with a strong back, soft front, and wild heart. Based on her work in Atlas of the Heart, Daring Greatly, and Braving the Wilderness, here is how she suggests navigating an interaction with an angry bully:
 CLICK Here are five scriptures from the Mirror Bible (translated by Francois Du Toit) that uphold Brené Brown’s principles of standing your ground, differentiating the person from the behavior, and refusing to engage with rage.
Connection: Brown advises us not to shrink or puff up but to stand our ground. In the Mirror translation, "resistance" isn't about fighting back with equal aggression; it is about maintaining your "firm footing" in who you are (your faith/identity). You resist the bullying dynamic simply by refusing to be moved from your true self. 2. On Differentiating the Person from the Behavior 2 Corinthians 5:16 "Therefore, from now on, I no longer know anyone according to the flesh! I no longer see people from a human point of view! This is a radical and most defining moment! No label that could possibly previously identify someone carries any further significance!" Connection: This aligns perfectly with Brown’s advice to separate the person from their rage. When you refuse to know a bully "according to the flesh" (their temporary, angry behavior), you can see past their "cheap seats" criticism. You acknowledge their behavior is just a "label" or a temporary state, not their true identity. 3. On the "Soft Front" (Refusing to engage with Fear/Rage) 1 John 4:18 "Fear cannot co-exist in this love realm. The perfect love union that we are talking about expels fear. Fear holds on to an expectation of crisis and judgment... and only registers in someone who does not yet realize the completeness of their love union." Connection: A "soft front" requires us to drop our armor. Brown teaches that anger is often a shield for fear. This verse reminds us that if we stay in the "love realm" (our secure identity), we don't need to fear the bully. We can see that their aggression is actually just their own fear "holding on to an expectation of crisis." 4. On Why They Bully (Enemies in the Mind) Colossians 1:21 "You were once clearly disconnected in your thoughts; your indifference and hostility toward God were purely a result of a mindset that was harassed by hardships and annoyances." Connection: Brown teaches that people bully because they are in pain or shame. The Mirror Bible explains that hostility is a result of a "mindset harassed by hardships." This helps you hold the boundary without dehumanizing them—understanding that their war is in their own mind, not actually with you. 5. On "Clear is Kind" (Overcoming Evil) Romans 12:21 "Do not let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good." (Note: The Mirror commentary often expands this to mean that we do not fight darkness with darkness; we simply turn on the light.) Connection: When Brown says, "Clear is kind," she means that setting a boundary is a form of goodness. You do not let the "evil" (the bullying behavior) conquer your emotional state. Instead, you overcome the situation by doing the "good" thing: firmly, clearly, and kindly removing yourself from the abuse. Vision is a mental model of a future state... People will not always see it because they are focused on what is." — Andy Stanley Differentiating DNA from Behavior The breakthrough in my backyard came when I realized I had to differentiate between Sweet Pea (the beautiful creature I loved) and her behavior (the mess on the porch). In Atlas of the Heart, Brown explains that anger and aggression are often secondary emotions—protective layers for shame or fear. When people act unbecomingly, we must see them through the lens of 2 Corinthians 5:16: "I no longer know anyone according to the flesh!" We must ask Holy Spirit to reveal their original DNA. Peter denied Jesus; Thomas doubted Him. Yet, Jesus saw past their "unbecoming" moments to the apostles they were destined to become.  The Vision is Yours Alone During this season of "backyard warfare," I was reminded of a word Jesus shared with me: "Jesus gave you the vision, Kristen. Do not expect others to see it or support it before it comes to fruition." We often get frustrated when family members don't support our growth or our boundaries. But as Habakkuk 2:2-3 says, the vision is for an appointed time. It was a private conversation between you and your Creator. You cannot get upset when people can't see what God didn't show them. Your job is to hold the vision; their job is to see the fruit eventually. LIVE RecordingOrange is a very kind and purposeful healthy boundary!" —Kristen Wambach  The Kindness of Orange Fencing So, what was the "Jesus strategy" for Sweet Pea? I went to the hardware store and bought an ugly orange warning fence. I erected it around the pergola. It was a clear, physical boundary. Brené Brown says, "Clear is kind." We often avoid boundaries because we think they are "mean," but ambiguity leads to anxiety. Telling a loved one, "It is okay to be angry, but it is not okay to speak to me that way," is an act of covenant love. The orange fence isn't an act of rejection; it’s a tool to protect the peace so the relationship can actually survive. We go the distance for family, but we don't allow the "poop" to be trafficked into our hearts. Choosing-courage over comfort is not always easy, but it’s always worth it. Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind." —Brené Brown BINGE LISTEN
Activation: Step Into the Goodness Are you tracking a mess into someone’s life, or are you allowing someone to litter your place of peace? Today, I invite you to get into the goodness of God. Ask Him for the "orange fence" strategy that preserves your peace while honoring the love covenant. Remember, you are never alone in your intercession. Stand your ground—the view is much better from there. Please Comment Below! 
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I'm Kristen WambachI'm all grown up (I think?) Along my journey of searching for answers, I found them. I went from spiritual blindness to OMG! With a driving niche as an entrepreneur. I love hanging out with our four sons, riding with my husband on his Harley, and creating all things hospitality. My mission? To help others see "beyond" and own their awesomeness within!
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